🗳️ Breaking: Democracy Functions as Intended. MAGA Nation Devastated.

Democracy Is Working — Please Remain Calm

Apparently democracy worked this week, and MAGA Nation is furious about it.

In New York City, a democratic-socialist was elected — which sent a shockwave through conservative media. Judging by the online meltdown, you’d think Karl Marx had just been sworn in at City Hall. Spoiler alert: he wasn’t. But I’m fairly certain most of the people screaming about “socialism” couldn’t define it if you spotted them the first five letters.

Then, in Virginia and New Jersey, Democratic women won major elections — and that really seemed to push some folks right over the edge. Suddenly, democracy was “rigged,” “stolen,” or “a sign of the apocalypse.” Funny how that works.

When their candidate wins, it’s all:

“Sit down and take it!”

“Stop being a snowflake!”

But when their candidate loses, it’s:

“THE END IS NIGH! RELEASE THE KRAKEN! PUT UP THE GALLOWS!”

Tell me again how much you love democracy? I guess it’s easy to love when the person looks like you, talks like you, and stands up when they pee.

The lack of basic civic education in this country is honestly terrifying. So much so that the Kentucky Secretary of State had to send out a PSA reminding citizens of two very important facts:

Kentucky wasn’t voting yesterday. (Their elections are next year.) No, you cannot vote for the mayor of New York City.

That’s right. Somewhere in Kentucky, people were trying to figure out how to cast a ballot for an NYC race they have absolutely nothing to do with.

So maybe, before storming the Capitol again, it’s time we all took a deep breath, cracked open a civics textbook, and remembered what democracy actually is: people voting, candidates winning and losing, and government continuing to function — whether you like the results or not.

Democracy worked this week.

Please remain calm.

🗳️ Public Service Announcement

This has been a message from the Department of Elections for People Who Need to Chill Out.

Please consult your nearest high-school civics teacher before posting, tweeting, or constructing homemade gallows.

— Tony Retrosi

Dover, NH — November 2025