Tag: Family

A SEASON OF HOPE: The Geography of Family

On By TonyIn Hope1 Comment

A SEASON OF HOPE: The Geography of Family

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There are moments in life when the world feels a little softer, a little slower, and, if we’re paying attention, a little more sacred. For me, one of those moments happens every year during a long weekend in Colorado that my family affectionately calls Thanksmas. Part Thanksgiving, part Christmas, part chaotic family reunion, and entirely its own thing, it’s become one of the anchor points on our collective calendar.

Years ago our daughter and her boyfriend moved to Colorado. My son and his now fiancé drove out to visit and loved it. They followed them out to Colorado. No matter where life pulls us, new jobs, new cities, new adventures—this is the weekend we circle. We show up. We gather. We laugh until our ribs hurt. We eat too much. We retell the same stories, embellishing them each year like responsible adults. And we simply enjoy being together as the weird, wonderful tribe that we are.

This year, as I sit here in Colorado surrounded by my adult children and their partners, I’m reminded that the real magic of family isn’t in the big events—it’s in the decision to keep choosing one another. Again and again. Year after year.

One of the hardest times for me was five years ago, when I was working in Switzerland and couldn’t make it to Colorado. I had tried to pretend I was fine with it, “I’m in the Alps! I’m drinking hot chocolate! It’s practically cozier than being with my family!”—but of course, it wasn’t. Nothing replaces being physically present with the people who know your history, your quirks, and your questionable sense of humor.

But here’s the beautiful part: my family brought me anyway.

They printed out photos of me—full face, life-sized head, the whole works—and hauled “Flat Tony” around Colorado like some sort of wandering garden gnome. They took pictures of him doing all the things I would have done: eating, hiking, drinking beer, looking confused in gift shops… They even made sure he had his own seat in the car. It was ridiculous. It was touching. It was perfect.

And it reminded me of something essential: family doesn’t always look traditional, or tidy, or perfectly arranged. Sometimes it looks like cardboard cutouts. Sometimes it looks like mismatched schedules and last-minute flights. Sometimes it looks like adult children and their partners choosing—actively choosing—to hold space for one another in a world that keeps trying to rush us past the moments that matter.

This season, as the year winds down and we all start taking stock, I’m holding onto this truth:

Time with the people you love is never guaranteed, always precious, and absolutely worth protecting.

So here’s to Thanksmas.

Here’s to showing up.

Here’s to laughing at ourselves.

Here’s to the families we’re born into, the families we build, and the families who are willing to carry around a printed photo of your head when international travel ruins your plans.

In this Season of Hope, may we all find our way back—no matter how far we’ve wandered—to the people who feel like home.

Cruising with Mom

On By TonyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

This last week I took my MOM on a cruise.

5 years ago my wife lost her mom. My mother-in-law was a great lady and my wife and I both wish we had more time with her. Another dinner, another vacation. I learned that time is fleeting and we need to make the best of the time we have. Ever since then, I have taken my mom on a vacation every year. We have been to Iceland and on a few cruises.

My parents divorced when I was 10. My brother and I lived most of the time with our Mom. There is a tight bond between us. This year Mom and I decided to go on a cruise out of Tampa. What she didn’t know is that my brother and his son were going to join us.

We boarded the ship, checked into our stateroom and went and sat on the deck. My brother texted me when he arrived. I said, “Mom, lets go see if our luggage is here”. We went down in our room and I texted my brother that we were here.

There was a knock on the door and I asked mom to go get it. She opened up the door and there stood her grandson. She was stunned. She looked at me, back at him and said, “how did you get here?”. Then my brother stuck his head around the corner.

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After she was done crying we went out on the balcony for a group photo

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The trip was great.

Mom has always struggled with directions.  She is the kind of person who needs a GPS to get out of her driveway. We can laugh about it now BUT she spend a great deal of time wandering around the ship trying to find our room, the restaurant or the casino. I pointed out that our stateroom was 79. Therefore on the ODD (starboard) side of ship.

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At one point my brother and I were sitting at a bar and talking to someone about mom’s lack of direction. We look up, and there goes mom wandering by. A few minutes later she wandered by in the other direction.

It was a pretty stormy trip. Rain and wind but we had a good time. Our stateroom had a good size (nearly walk in) closet. Mom had stepped in to get a shirt and a wave pitched the boat closing the closet door on her. There was NO HANDLE on the inside of the closet! She did manage to wedge her fingers in and get the door open. It was pretty funny.

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What Was The BEST Part of Your Day?

On By TonyIn Hope, Teaching3 Comments

Those who have been to my house for dinner or those who have come to one of my camps or training camps know this familiar question.  “What was the BEST part of your day?”

It is a conversation starter. A chance at reflection about your day and a chance to share a moment with those around you. One person poses the question to someone who must answer and pass the question on.

You may not know it’s origin.

On September 11, 2001 my wife and I were on our way to the airport in Boston to begin a vacation in Italy. We were nervous leaving our two young children behind even though we had two great people at our house taking care of them.

We were at our gym, Atlantic Gymnastics, when the first plane struck the World Trade Center. Phones started ringing, we did not have a TV or radio in the building so parents were crowded around a car in the parking lot listening to the news. We were sickened, worried and frightened. The news, the lack of news, the speculation was over whelming.

We called the kids school to see if they were releasing the students early. The tearful secretary said, NO. The children didn’t know what was going on and that they were going to keep their schedule as normal as possible. She asked who was calling. I told her my name and she let out a sigh of relief. She knew our travel plans and was worried that we were on one of the highjacked planes.

We closed the gym early that day and headed home. I grew up in NY and had many friends and family who I could not get in touch with. The kids came home from school and immediately could tell something was wrong. Mom and Dad were home instead of on their way to Italy. There was a tension in the house. It was hard not to cry. All I wanted to do was HUG them. All they wanted to do was go outside and play.

When we all sat down for dinner, the four of us plus our two house sitters, our neighbors came over. They were worried that we were on one of the planes. When they saw all the cars in the driveway they thought the worst. Big tearful hugs.

The tension at dinner was intense. My wife looking for a way to break the stress asked, “What was the BEST part of your day?” . My face must have betrayed my surprise. I was thinking- “are you crazy, this is a TERRIBLE day.”  She said “Even on a hard day- there is one thing that happens that is good or great. So- WHAT IS THE BEST PART OF YOUR DAY?”

I cannot remember how I answered. I do remember what she said. Her reply was. “Today is my friend Joanne’s birthday! I am so thankful for her in my life”.

To this day- each night, either at dinner or as we are relaxing at the end of the day someone asks, “What was the BEST part of your day?”.

Today- start that tradition in your house, In your gym, at your school, at your place of work. Ask someone- WHAT WAS THE BEST PART OF YOUR DAY?

And because you read this far- You might as well tell me in the comments section- What was the best part of YOUR day?

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Joann and Stephanie in Firenze

 

Ephesians 5:21 “Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

On By TonyIn HopeLeave a comment

People have forgotten the art of diplomacy and discussion or even debate. Everything seems to escalate to anger. It is OK to disagree. It is OK to have differences and love those differences. Although I was raised catholic I am not a religious person. I joke that I am a catholic in remission. I truly think that Christ would be horrified by the lack of decorum in our society. We waste our time yelling about whether you should say “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Holidays” while people are still without as adequate education, healthcare or even a home. Why would you want to hurt someone’s feelings by disrespecting their religion or beliefs just to make a point?

In  Ephesians 5:21 St. Paul begins the passage, “Be subject to one another out of reverence to Christ.” … “Be subject to one another …”  In this day and age of 24-hour cable crap devoted to feeding the voyeuristic gluttony of an American public hooked on a bad soap opera that’s passing itself off as important, don’t you think you might be able to find some relevance in verse 21? How do we end the cycle? “Be subject to one another.”

Understand that every person is an eternal spiritual being, uniquely expressive of the Light and Love of God – the indwelling spiritual energy that is the Christ. No one has an innate authority over anyone else.  We come together – in relationships, in families, in communities – to support each other in our shared spiritual purpose of creating the new consciousness that is the kingdom of heaven. From this perspective, Paul’s message becomes clearer. By reverencing the Christ in each other we allow our relationships to become fluid and flexible. We honor the unique spiritual identity of each individual. Sometimes I will support the Christ in you. Sometimes I will need you to support the Christ in me. No one is inherently in charge, and no one is innately subservient.

Just my thoughts for today

Today is My Wife’s Birthday

On By TonyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

img_4343Throughout the year there are many dates that have a very special meaning for all of us and perhaps one of the most anticipated and celebrated one of them are birthdays. My wife’s birthday is the most important day to me. And not just because I forgot it ONCE!

My entire professional and personal accomplishments have been achieved because of her support. All this while she has accomplished amazing things as well!

I feel greatly blessed for the joy that I have for being with you and for celebrating another year of your life.  A few months ago we decided to throw you a great party for your birthday. I was thinking what gift I should give you, and then I realized that there are many things you would like to receive as a gift, but the most important thing for you is that I give you my unconditional love and the rest of my life with you. You are a wonderful, and above all full of patience woman. Thanks for putting up with me!

I do not want you to worry about the pass of time because every day that passes you get more and more beautiful and I love you more and more, so be happy and feel very happy to be celebrating your birthday.

I love you with all my heart .