What’s Been Going on In New Hampshire House of Representatives?

On By TonyIn PoliticsLeave a comment

Every community in our state is facing many challenges. While I was out canvassing and speaking with constituents this fall I heard a list of so many problems. 

  • Crime and cleaning up our cities parks. 
  • Finding solutions for our un-housed population 
  • The lack of affordable housing
  • Mental Health. 
  • Ever-rising taxes (not feeling that we are getting the level of service for what we pay. 
  • The appearance of non-transparency in the governing process 

New Hampshirites are fiercely proud of our independence BUT Consistent with the Northern New England tradition of strong legislative oversight of local government, New Hampshire is not known as a home rule state. All powers of local government in New Hampshire stem from the legislature, and few freedoms have been delegated to units of local government.

In short, In order for the local municipality to do anything, we have to be given the power by the state.  

In the  current House of Representatives the Republican Party has a narrow majority (198-195 with a few open seats). 

Here are some mod the bills the New Hampshire GOP has spent time on. 

PROPOSED CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENT

CONCURRENT RESOLUTION 20

RELATING TO: Declaring independence from the United States of America.

PROVIDING THAT: If the National debt reaches $40 Trillion, NH shall declare independence and proceed as a sovereign nation.

SPONSORS: Rep. Gerhard, Merr. 25

COMMITTEE: State-Federal Relations and Veterans Affairs

ANALYSIS: This constitutional amendment concurrent resolution amends the constitution to provide that if the US national debt reaches $40 trillion, New Hampshire shall secede from the union.

NH House Republicans are pushing another secession bill in 2024.  Meanwhile, NH House Democrats aim to strengthen democracy by introducing HB 1426 to establish independent redistricting.

Let’s focused on what matters — not culture wars and conspiracy theories

HOUSE BILL 1482 

AN ACT relative to the sale of human blood and organs.

SPONSORS: Rep. Gerhard, Merr. 25; Rep. T. Mannion, Hills. 1

COMMITTEE: Health, Human Services and Elderly Affairs

ANALYSIS This bill provides that the state of New Hampshire shall not prohibit, restrict, or regulate the private sale, purchase, use, possession, or donation of human blood or organs in the state.

HOUSE BILL 1294-FN

AN ACT relative to prohibiting the state of New Hampshire from enforcing the regulations of the Environmental Protection Agency.

SPONSORS: Rep. Granger, Straf. 2; Rep. Bailey, Straf. 2; Rep. Burnham, Straf. 2; Rep. Gerhard, Merr. 25; Rep. Cushman, Hills. 28; Rep. Belcher, Carr. 4

COMMITTEE: Environment and Agriculture

ANALYSIS- This bill states that the federal Environmental Protection Agency has no constitutional validity in this state, and requires that the New Hampshire department of environmental services provide for all environmental protection in this state.

HOUSE BILL 1073-EN

AN ACT: Relative to repealing the prohibition of simulated explosives .

SPONSORS: Rep Santonastaso, Ches. 18

COMMITTEE: Criminal Justice and Public Safety

ANALYSIS- This bill repeals the prohibition on the placement of simulated explosives. The only realistic purpose for a simulated explosive device is to scare or terrorize someone. It makes no difference if a GUN is real or realistic (but fake), or if it is real but not loaded if it is used to scare or terrorize someone.. The only difference is that if you use a fake gun, your sentence might be a bit lighter because it is evident that you never intended to actually kill anyone. But why don’t we make it easier to terrorize the public.

HOUSE BILL 1276-FN

AN ACT relative to repealing the prohibition on the possession or sale of blackjacks, slung shots, and metallic knuckles except by or to minors.

SPONSORS:Rep. Spillane, Rock. 2; Rep. Moffett, Merr. 4; Rep. Popovici-Muller, Rock. 17; Rep. Hoell, Merr. 27; Rep. Harrington, Straf. 18; Rep. Ulery, Hills. 13; Rep. Notter,

Hills. 12; Rep. Aures, Merr. 13; Sen. Pearl, Dist 17; Sen. Lang, Dist 2

COMMITTEE: Criminal Justice and Public Safety

HOUSE BILL 1035

AN ACT: Relative to limitations on extradition.

SPONSORS: Rep. Gerhard, Merr. 25

COMMITTEE: Criminal Justice and Public Safety

ANALYSIS- This bill prohibits the extradition of an individual charged solely with violating a firearm licensing regulation of another state.

HOUSE BILL 1246

AN ACT: relative to allowing for payment of wages in gold or silver.

SPONSORS: Rep. Granger, Straf. 2; Rep. Belcher, Carr. 4; Rep. Coulon, Graf. 5; Rep. Soti, Rock. 35

COMMITTEE: Labor, Industrial and Rehabilitative Services

ANALYSIS- This bill allows employers to pay the weekly or biweekly wages due to employees in gold or silver.

HOUSE BILL 1332-FN

AN ACT: relative to prohibiting electric vehicles from parking in parking garages.

SPONSORS: Rep. Proulx, Hills. 15; Rep. Bernardy, Rock. 36; Rep. Hobson, Rock. 14

COMMITTEE:Transportation

ANALYSIS- This bill prohibits the parking of electric vehicles in parking garages.

There’s a car fire roughly every five minutes in America. The vast majority of them never make the news. But if a Tesla or a Chevy Bolt catches fire? It’s probably on the front page nationwide and going viral online.  YOU’RE WRONG ABOUT EV FIRES

HOUSE BILL: 1473

AN ACT: relative to social-emotional learning in public schools.

SPONSORS: Rep. Sellers, Graf. 18; Rep. Seidel, Hills. 29; Rep. Hill, Merr. 2; Rep. Andrus. Merr. 5; Rep. McCarter, Belk. 8; Rep. Gagne, Hills. 16; Rep. T. Cahill, Rock. 4;

Rep. K. Perez, Rock. 16; Rep. Gerhard, Merr. 25

I. For the purposes of this section, “social emotional learning” means:

(a) Any evidence-based or non-evidence-based programming that promotes school and/or civic engagement nd/or builds an equitable learning framework that creates or uses evidence-based benchmarks, standards, surveys, activities, learning indicators, programs, policies, processes, professional development, or assessments that address non-cognitive social factors including but not limited to, self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship skills, responsible decision making, and/or other attributes, dispositions, social skills, attitudes, behaviors, beliefs. feelings, emotions, mindsets, metacognitive learning skills, motivation, grit, self-regulation, tenacity, perseverance, resilience, and/or intrapersonal resources.

HOUSE BILL 1599-FN

AN ACT relative to the use of artificial intelligence for personal defense.

SPONSORS: Rep. Santonastaso, Ches. 18

COMMITTEE:

Criminal Justice and Public Safety

ANALYSIS- This bill affirms that, under the second amendment to the United States Constitution, a person may use autonomous artificial intelligence for defense purposes, subject to specified limitations.

HOUSE BILL 1634-FN

AN ACT relative to universal eligibility for the education freedom account program.

SPONSORS: Rep. A. Lekas, Hills. 38

COMMITTEE: Education

ANALYSIS- This bill removes the household income criteria from eligibility requirements for the education freedom account program.

HOUSE BILL 1248-FN

AN ACT relative to restrictions on access to abortion.

SPONSORS: Rep. Testerman, Merr. 3; Rep. Sellers, Graf. 18; Sen. Gendreau, Dist 1

COMMITTEE: Judiciary

ANALYSIS- This bill prohibits abortion, other than for a medical emergency, if the gestational age of the fetus is more than 15 days.

C’MON. WE ARE BETTER THAN THIS. 

A Season of Hope. TSO Old City Bar

On By TonyIn HopeLeave a comment

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“Old City Bar”

In an old city bar
That is never too far
From the places that gather
The dreams that have been

In the safety of night
With its old neon light
It beckons to strangers
And they always come in

And the snow it was falling
The neon was calling
The music was low
And the night
Christmas Eve

And here was the danger
That even with strangers
Inside of this night
It’s easier to believe

Then the door opened wide
And a child came inside
That no one in the bar
Had seen there before

And he asked did we know
That outside in the snow
That someone was lost
Standing outside our door

Then the bartender gazed
Through the smoke and the haze
Through the window and ice
To a corner streetlight

Where standing alone
By a broken pay phone
Was a girl the child said
Could no longer get home

And the snow it was falling
The neon was calling
The bartender turned
And said, not that I care
But how would you know this?
The child said I’ve noticed
If one could be home
They’d be all ready there

Then the bartender came out from behind the bar
And in all of his life he was never that far
And he did something else that he thought no one saw
When he took all the cash from the register draw

Then he followed the child to the girl cross the street
And we watched from the bar as they started to speak
Then he called for a cab and he said J.F.K.
Put the girl in the cab and the cab drove away
And we saw in his hand
That the cash was all gone
From the light that she had wished upon

If you want to arrange it
This world you can change it
If we could somehow make this
Christmas thing last

By helping a neighbor
Or even a stranger
And to know who needs help
You need only just ask

Then he looked for the child
But the child wasn’t there
Just the wind and the snow
Waltzing dreams through the air

So he walked back inside
Somehow different I think
For the rest of the night
No one paid for a drink

And the cynics will say
That some neighborhood kid
Wandered in on some bums
In the world where they hid

But they weren’t there
So they couldn’t see
By an old neon star
On that night, Christmas Eve

When the snow it was falling
The neon was calling
And in case you should wonder
In case you should care

Why we’re on our own
Never went home
On that night of all nights
We were already there

THEN ALL AT ONCE INSIDE THAT NIGHT
HE SAW IT ALL SO CLEAR
THE ANSWER THAT HE SOUGHT SO LONG
HAD ALWAYS BEEN SO NEAR

IT’S EVERY GIFT THAT SOMEONE GIVES
EXPECTING NOTHING BACK
IT’S EVERY KINDNESS THAT WE DO
EACH SIMPLE LITTLE ACT

The point is – it is never too late to make a difference. Not just on Christmas Eve, any day. WHY NOT TODAY?

Peace

 

 

A Season of Hope. Winter Solstice

On By TonyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

The winter solstice has been celebrated in cultures the world over for thousands of years. As the shortest day/longest night of the year, this start of the solar year is a celebration of light and the rebirth of the Sun. We have all completed one more official journey around the Sun.

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As the Winter Solstice has arrived, it is a time to consider yin and yang, darkness and light – and the exquisite balance that exists between all things. After weeks of shortening days, we have been affected in a number of ways by the scarcity of light and the growing darkness. Though we may have experienced sadness or slowness as a result of this winter season, we must also remember that the darkness is necessary in order to experience light.

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Many of us gather with our friends, family and loved ones, and no matter what tradition we observe for this holiday season, we begin to create our own light – the light of the love we feel for those we care the most about. It’s also a time for remembering those we love that are not with us- those who are separated from us by miles or death or simply the loss of relationship.

Many of the customs, lore, symbols, and rituals associated with the Solstice have survived into the 21st century so let’s see how we can join in this ancient celebration to bring love, light, joy and meaning to this season.

The Shortest Day, by Susan Cooper
And so the Shortest Day came and the year died
And everywhere down the centuries of the snow-white world
Came people singing, dancing,
To drive the dark away.
They lighted candles in the winter trees;
They hung their homes with evergreen;
They burned beseeching fires all night long
To keep the year alive.
And when the new year’s sunshine blazed awake
They shouted, reveling.
Through all the frosty ages you can hear them
Echoing behind us—listen!
All the long echoes, sing the same delight,
This Shortest Day,
As promise wakens in the sleeping land:
They carol, feast, give thanks,
And dearly love their friends,
And hope for peace.
And now so do we, here, now,
This year and every year.
Welcome, Yule!

ENLIVEN YOUR SURROUNDINGS with the color red. The color of the sun is energizing, and symbolic of love, courage, warmth, fire. Wear red sweaters, scarves and hats, light red candles, bring in red flowering plants (the red poinsettia is a great one). The color red has a powerful effect in the darkest days of the year to lighten your mood and create a festive, heartening atmosphere.

ADORN YOUR HOME with sacred herbs and colors. Decorate your home in holiday colors red, green, and white. Place holly, ivy, evergreen boughs, and pine cones around your home, especially in areas where socializing takes place. Hang a sprig of mistletoe above a major threshold, an evergreen wreath on the front door to symbolize the continuity of life and the wheel of the year. Bring in a Christmas tree with colored lights.

CONVEY LOVE to family, friends, and associates. At the heart of the Solstice was the custom of family and friends feasting together and exchanging presents. Continue this custom by visiting, entertaining, giving gifts, and sending greetings by mail and/or phone. Play games, enjoy children, roast chestnuts over an open fire (what fun). Consider those who are and/or have been important in your life and share appreciation.

HONOR THE NEW SOLAR YEAR WITH LIGHT. If you have an indoor fireplace or an outdoor fire circle, burn an oak log as a Yule log. Decorate the inside and/or outside of your home with electric colored lights.

PARTY HEARTY on New Years’s Eve, not just to welcome the calendar year but also to welcome the new solar year. Celebrate and remember how much the sun means to our planet earth, bringing heat, and light.

CONTRIBUTE TO THE MANIFESTATION OF MORE WELLNESS ON OUR PLANET Donate food and clothing to the poor in your area. Volunteer time at a social service agency. Put up bird feeders and keep them filled throughout the winter to supplement the diets of wild birds. Donate funds and items to non-profit groups, such as churches and environmental organizations. Meditate for world peace. Work magic for a healthier planet. Make a pledge to do some form of good works in the new solar year.

CELEBRATE As you think about setting goals for next year, take some time to write down and celebrate everything you have accomplished this year. Keep your focus on your successes. Be careful of negative self-critical thoughts coming in when you remember the goals you did not achieve. Put those on your list for next year.

CELEBRATING keeps our focus on the positive and attracts more for us to celebrate. Take this energy of celebration with you into the new year and keep it with you throughout the whole year.

However big or small the occasion, look for excuses to be in a state of celebration. You can celebrate failures too. They open doorways for something new to come in. Your positive attitude will make sure you attract more positivity and goodness.

finché c’è vita c’è speranza

Season of Hope. The Psychology of HOPE

On By TonyIn Hope1 Comment

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Talent, skill, ability—whatever you want to call it—will not get you there. Sure, it helps. But a wealth of psychological research over the past few decades show loud and clear that it’s the psychological vehicles that really get you there. You can have the best engine in the world, but if you can’t be bothered to drive it, you won’t get anywhere.

Many have proposed lots of different vehicles over the years. Grit, Conscientiousness, self-efficacy, optimism, passion, inspiration, etc. They are all important. One vehicle, however, is particularly undervalued and underappreciated in psychology and society.

That’s hope.

Hope often gets a bad rap. For some, it conjures up images of a blissfully naïve chump pushing up against a wall with a big smile. or Don Quixote tilting against windmills. That’s a shame. Cutting-edge science shows that hope, at least as defined by psychologists, matters a lot.

Hope is not a brand new concept in psychology. In 1991, the eminent positive psychologist Charles R. Snyder and his colleagues came up with Hope Theory. According to their theory, hope consists of agency and pathways.  The person who has hope has the will and determination that goals will be achieved, and a set of different strategies at their disposal to reach their goals. Put simply: hope involves the will to get there, and different ways to get there.

Why is hope important? Well, life is difficult. There are many obstacles. Having goals is not enough. One has to believe that they can accomplish their goals, amidst all the inevitable twists and turns of life. Hope allows people to approach problems with a mindset and strategy-set suitable to success, thereby increasing the chances they will actually accomplish their goals.
Those lacking hope, tend to adopt mastery goals. People with mastery goals choose easy tasks that don’t offer a challenge or opportunity for growth. When they fail, they quit. People with mastery goals act helpless, and feel a lack of control over their environment. They don’t believe in their capacity to obtain the kind of future they want. They have no hope.

It seems that performance can be enhanced in the short term by reminding people that they have the motivation and the means to pursue a goal. This “situational hope” could potentially be useful in the future as a means of short-term intervention to enhance performance. By reminding people before tests or situations in which performance and achievement are required that they have the will and the ways to do well, possible potential can be better utilized.

Athletes had higher levels of hope than non-athletes. I have seen that among my gymnasts, the state of having hope predicted outcomes beyond training, self-esteem, confidence, and mood.

I like to think that current ability is the best predictor of future success. Important psychological studies show that ability is important, but it’s the vehicles that actually get people where they want to go. Oftentimes, the vehicles even help you build up that ability you never thought you had. And hope—with its will and ways—is one of the most important vehicles of them all.

 

A Season of Hope. Chris Connor Obituary

On By TonyIn HopeLeave a comment

This was from a few years ago.  Always worth reposting.

I do not make it a habit to read the obituaries in my local paper. This one caught my eye. He KICKED ASS at life.

Portsmouth Herald. 

Irishman Dies from Stubbornness, Whiskey

1010929438nh_conn_20161213Chris Connors died, at age 67, after trying to box his bikini-clad hospice nurse just moments earlier. Ladies man, game slayer, and outlaw Connors told his last inappropriate joke on Friday, December 9, 2016, that which cannot be printed here. Anyone else fighting ALS and stage 4 pancreatic cancer would have gone quietly into the night, but Connors was stark naked drinking Veuve in a house full of friends and family as Al Green played from the speakers. The way he died is just like he lived: he wrote his own rules, he fought authority and he paved his own way. And if you said he couldn’t do it, he would make sure he could.

Most people thought he was crazy for swimming in the ocean in January; for being a skinny Irish Golden Gloves boxer from Quincy, Massachusetts; for dressing up as a priest and then proceeding to get into a fight at a Jewish deli. Many gawked at his start of a career on Wall Street without a financial background – but instead with an intelligent, impish smile, love for the spoken word, irreverent sense of humor, and stunning blue eyes that could make anyone fall in love with him.

As much as people knew hanging out with him would end in a night in jail or a killer screwdriver hangover, he was the type of man that people would drive 16 hours at the drop of a dime to come see. He lived 1000 years in the 67 calendar years we had with him because he attacked life; he grabbed it by the lapels, kissed it, and swung it back onto the dance floor. At the age of 26 he planned to circumnavigate the world – instead, he ended up spending 40 hours on a life raft off the coast of Panama. In 1974, he founded the Quincy Rugby Club. In his thirties, he sustained a knife wound after saving a woman from being mugged in New York City. He didn’t slow down: at age 64, he climbed to the base camp of Mount Everest. Throughout his life, he was an accomplished hunter and birth control device tester (with some failures, notably Caitlin Connors, 33; Chris Connors, 11; and Liam Connors, 8).

He was a rare combination of someone who had a love of life and a firm understanding of what was important – the simplicity of living a life with those you love. Although he threw some of the most memorable parties during the greater half of a century, he would trade it all for a night in front of the fire with his family in Maine. His acute awareness of the importance of a life lived with the ones you love over any material possession was only handicapped by his territorial attachment to the remote control of his Sonos music.

Chris enjoyed cross dressing, a well-made fire, and mashed potatoes with lots of butter. His regrets were few, but include eating a rotisserie hot dog from an unmemorable convenience store in the summer of 1986.

Of all the people he touched, both willing and unwilling, his most proud achievement in life was marrying his wife Emily Ayer Connors who supported him in all his glory during his heyday, and lovingly supported him physically during their last days together.

Absolut vodka and Simply Orange companies are devastated by the loss of Connors. A “Celebration of Life” will be held during Happy Hour (4 p.m.) at York Harbor Inn on Monday, December 19.

In lieu of flowers, please pay open bar tab or donate to Connors’ water safety fund at http://www.thechrisconnorsfund.com.
Published in Seacoastonline.com from Dec. 13 to Dec. 16, 2016

Season of Hope. Remember that if you are reading this- you’ve got it pretty good.

On By TonyIn Hope, Uncategorized1 Comment

We can call get so engrossed with our own lives and problems that we forget that others may need a helping hand. Not just this year, not just this time of year but every day, every year.

For the most part our biggest issues are overeating during the holiday season. Finding time to workout, making time to cook and buy presents.

We can help others. We can extend a helping hand. Take a minute to help someone. We will always be one world and we must be a world full of hope. That is what I want my legacy to be.

In 1984 I was in my first year of college.  Bob Geldof and Midge Ure formed the supergroup Band Aid  to raise money for anti-famine efforts in Ethiopia by releasing the song “Do They Know It’s Christmas?”  On 25 November 1984, the song was recorded at Sarm West Studios in Notting Hill, London, and was released in the UK four days later.[4][5] The single surpassed the hopes of the producers to become the Christmas number one on that release.

Looking back it seemed like an obvious hit but at the time, it was a risk and a chance taken to help others. As time moved on we see the ethnocentric problems but their heart was in the right place and they actually did something. 

The group reunited with current stars in 2014 to bring help to the Ebola Crisis in West Africa.

You don’t need to be a superstar to help those around you. You can get involved with groups within your community.

Habitat for Humanity, No Kid Hungry ,  The Salvation Army, Habitat for Humanity. 

GIVING, like politics starts local. You do not need to think big to have a big impact.  One of my employees travels with bags of sandwiches that she gives out to people asking for money at the side of the road. She has passed this lesson on to her daughters.

I fully believe that no man stands so tall as when he stoops down to help another.

The other day I was driving when I saw a rising column of black smoke from behind a Parking lot. I pulled into the lot at the same time as a few others and we ran into the woods to see if anyone needed help. We came across a homeless camp of 3 or 4 tents engulfed in flames. IT IS WINTER HERE IN NH. Living in a tent in the woods behind the Dunkin’ Donuts in winter in New Hampshire is not a great way to live. We cannot help the unhoused population without also addressing mental health and drug abuse. 

WHY DO I THINK WE CAN DO IT?

We have been to the moon. We have electric cars and have figured out ways to use the wind and the sun to create clean power. Many of us carry a phone in our pocket that gives you access to information almost instantly. We can do it. If we choose to. Paraphrasing from JFK’s speech at Rice University in 1962, Why choose this as a goal? You may as well ask, why climb the highest mountain? We chose to go to the Moon in the 1960s and in this decade we can fix the problems of drug addiction, homelessness and mental health and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard; because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one we intend to win, and the others, too.

Season of Hope. New Friends

On By TonyIn Hope, Uncategorized4 Comments

WHAT A PERFECT TIME OF YEAR TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS!

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One of the most important and yet least understood areas of psychology concerns the role of friends in our lives. It is often awkward when you are at your spouse, partner or GF/BF holiday party. They know everyone, they are in on all the jokes. Find another awkward looking person at the party at strike up a conversation. You already have something in common, you would rather be somewhere else.

As I was finishing up school in NY I was invited to a Christmas party at a friends house. He gave me his address and I headed over there. I pulled onto the street saw cars were lined up down the street. I parked my car and followed a couple up the street into to the house. I walked in was welcomed, my jacket taken, a drink put in my hand and directed to the food. I made small talk and joined in some humorous talk. Looking around the party I realized I didn’t know anyone. I searched for friends and a wave of dread came over me when I realized, I AM AT THE WRONG HOUSE!

The host came in and asked if I needed anything,

Me, “No thank you, what a great party!”

Host, “You are at the wrong place aren’t you?”

Me, “ummm, yeah- but this party seems pretty great!”

Host, “I’ll get your jacket and you can sneak out the back door. I think the party you are looking for is 2 houses down.”

Me, “Thank you so much!”

I snuck out the back door (drink in hand) and went to the party that I was invited to. It was an equally fun party.

The next week I was getting a coffee and the guy in front of me looked familiar. Yep- The host of the party I crashed. We laughed, had a coffee together and had dinner and drinks a few times before I left for New Hampshire. I am NOT a tremendously outgoing individual.

At work it’s easy for me to be social because we have a shared experience. At parties, it’s much more difficult for me. I do not particularly enjoy “small talk”. I can never understand how my wife can go up and just start a conversation with someone.  (ANYONE HAVE ANY HELP FOR ME HERE?!)

I have been pretty lucky to have made some great friends recently. I look forward to dinner and drinks with them. We always laugh and each night, no matter how casual, is memorable.

I am thankful for these friendships and look forward to sharing this holiday season with them.

When it comes to happiness, your friends are the key.

I’ve tried to distill Friendfluence into what I believe are its most important lessons.

Here are 15 reasons to appreciate your friends:

  • Friendfluence is the powerful and often unappreciated role that friends—past and present—play in determining our sense of self and the direction of our lives. Whether you realize it or not, your friends have shaped who you are today. You are even the product of the friends who are no longer your friends.
  • Friends can give you vital life skills.  There are many perks of friendship include sharpening your mind, making you generally happier, knowing yourself better, becoming inspired to reach your goals, advancing your career, helping you meet romantic partners, and living a longer and healthier life.
  • Childhood friendships start your learning process. Early friendships play a vital role because they occur while key developmental changes are taking place. They help teach us some of those important life skills but also shape our life “narrative.”
  • Teen friendships shape your later romantic bonds. Though parents spend much of their time worrying about who their teenage kids are with, these relationships are a training ground for the later long-term bonds that will evolve through adulthood.
  • Friends can help you define your priorities. People tend to pick friends who are similar to them. This fact falls under the general proximity rule of close relationships, in that like tends to attract like. Because we fall prey so easily into this similarity trap, it is important to try to stretch yourself to learn from some of those opposites.
  • Having friends can help you get more friends. People tend to like others who have a reputation for being nice and helpful, and they like people who like them. If you want to be the type of person who attracts new friends, these qualities will help get you on your way toward building your social group. Once you have more friends, you’ll be able to enjoy some of those perks of friendship.
  • Close friends support you through thick and thin. To take the most advantage of friendfluence, put effort into your closest friendships. Although being friendly can get you more friends, you don’t need hundreds to help you through life. You may have to prune your friendship tree as you get older to be sure that you give enough attention to the ones who will really matter for your well-being.
  • You’re less lonely when you have friends.  Loneliness is painful, especially when you are living with loneliness for a prolonged period of time. This is yet another reason to put time, energy, and attention into finding and cultivating a close circle of friends.
  • Your online friends can steer your thoughts and behaviors. Although online friends are qualitatively different than your in-person friends, they shape you nevertheless. They can also be your source of life support.  Of course, your online friends can also make you miserable too, especially if you get caught in the “friendship paradox” (the fact that most people on Facebook have fewer friends than the average number). If you can avoid having Facebook envy dominate your life, you’ll have more rewarding connections with your extended friendship community.
  • Friends matter to you, regardless of gender. Although much is made of the difference between male friends, female friends, and male-female friend pairs, all share the qualities of having the potential to influence your life. If you restrict yourself to one certain type of friendship, you may be missing out on bonds that transcend gender boundaries.
  • Couple friendships can help your own relationship. People experiencing similar life events can often provide the most valuable support to each other. Unfortunately, some couples withdraw from their friendships when their relationship turns serious. You can benefit both from maintaining your separate friendships, but also from sharing with the couples who are experiencing transitions such as becoming parents, raising teenagers, and helping older family members.
  • Friends can also help you alleviate your work-related stress. Even though you may be stretched to the limit time-wise, the investment you make in these friendships will be worth the psychological benefits.
  • Friends can give you a reality check. Who but your closest friends will tell you that your new purchase is ridiculous? What person you meet on the street will let you know that your latest romantic interest is going to bring you heartbreak? Because friends know us so well, they are able to see things that we can’t, and aren’t afraid to share their dose of reality with you.
  • Banding together with friends can help you effect social change. It’s difficult, if not impossible, to fight for a cause, raise money for charity, or even just make a few small improvements in your community on your own. Friends are the first step to building successful social movements. Facebook provides one way to enlist the support of thousands of people. At a less grandiose level, people are more likely to engage in helping and altruistic behavior at the urging of their close friends.
  • Being a friend helps your friends. Friendfluence works in two directions. Not only do you benefit from its many perks, but by being a good friend you are helping those closest to you.  If you are aware of how you’re affecting your friends, you’ll work harder to stay close to them which, in turn, will benefit you as well. Being a good friend also includes asking them for help when you need it.

Giving someone the gift of being influential can be one of the greatest joys you pass on to your friends.

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Go make a new friend today. At least try.

Season of Hope. Reconnecting

On By TonyIn HopeLeave a comment

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Whether it’s a yearly holiday letter, greeting card, or email, the holidays remind us of our long-time relationships. Some people are very fortunate to remain geographically and emotionally close to their “oldest” (or longest) friends. My ADULT life (I am still in denial about being an adult) has me pretty far away from the people I grew up with. In our very mobile society the odds are that you no longer live in easy traveling distance from the people you were closest to in childhood, adolescence, or even college.

An old friend never can be found, and nature has provided that he cannot easily be lost.

Samuel Johnson

There is something great about reconnecting with old friends. It helps to remind you of where you were. Even though you can’t go back in time and relive those days, it is nice to ground yourself once in a while. Good for the soul.

Wishing you can go back will be pretty hollow, but looking at that notch in time is a good way to evaluate your place in time- in the “now”. There will always be certain memories you wish to forget. Awkward times, painful experiences and there are also things you wish you could put in a highlight reel, those things you were proud of – the accomplishments of goals and desires you have had over the years.

Then there are those very special memories with those genuine friends and family that if you could “bottle” the feelings of comfort and joy, you would open that bottle frequently and drink that in.

I look forward to seeing  cards and letters from old friends or even their Facebook posts this time of year.  It helps me drink in those memories of the time we have spent together. Last week I was out in Colorado to visit our kids.  We were at a bar in Golden for drinks and saw a photo on the wall that I had to send to my friend Jeff. Yes, we played D&D.

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Many people who knew YOU also want to know how you are doing. Send them an e-mail! A lot of people feel it’s awkward and a little nerve racking to try to get back in touch with a friend they haven’t spoken to in a while. What often happens is someone will want to drop an old buddy a line, but then they’ll think, “It will be so weird sending them an email out of nowhere. How will they react to it? Will they wonder why I’m writing them now?”

This time of year there is nothing abnormal or weird about reaching out to an old friend. You just have to put your self out there and go!

My personal story, I grew up in upstate New York. Spent most of my life in Rome, NY then High School in Cortland. Although I was only in Cortland 4 years. They were important years. Difficult as it was trying to “fit in” with others who had been together since preschool. I did manage to make some connections and feel very lucky that I am still in touch with some of them.

My first 2 years of college had me at a 2 year school in Utica. There I made a few connections and I wish I had stayed in touch with some of these people. As odd as it is the person I am closest to from that time is also the person who lives furthest away in Iceland.

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empty seat is for JILL who organized this get together but then couldn’t make it

Finishing up my college career at UNH I find myself still living in the area and therefore occasionally running into people I went to school and grad school with.

Last summer I was able to get together with a few friends from UNH.  A truly great day! JILL- we missed you.

Through out all of this there was my “Gymnastics Family”. Guys I did gymnastics with. Girls I coached, and those I coached with. Recently we have lost a few members of my gymnastics family. Dave- we miss you every day.   Last year I spent 7 months coaching in Switzerland.  I made some great friends there and I miss every one of them! NICU and ROXANA treated me like a member of their family. I do not think I could have made it through withy out them!   I Miss everyone of the girls I coached there.  Working with them brought me such joy.  I hope I am able to see them again- SOON!  (Come visit!)

 

I have been working back and forth in Italy and I am able to coach with some amazing people there.  Camilla, Marco, Ambra, Gigi, Martina and Tomaso and the Irish import Ryan.  YOU ARE MY FAMILY.   The gymnasts there are some of the most beautiful human beings any coach could possibly hope to work with.  I MISS ALL OF YOU!  

 

 

I could make a list of the people who I have lost contact with that I wish I could see or hear from more often. But it would be better to say-

I miss you all. If I have lost touch, please send me an e-mail!

A Season of Hope. Chaos Theory

On By TonyIn Hope4 Comments

A season of hope.

As the days get shorter and we are facing  long dark and cold nights. The solstice is just weeks away and the days will become longer. This time of year even the smallest gesture can change the world.

In chaos theory, the butterfly effect is the sensitive dependence on initial conditions in which a small change in one state of a deterministic nonlinear system can result in large differences in a later state. The name, coined by Edward Lorenz for the effect which had been known long before, is derived from the metaphorical example of the details of a hurricane (exact time of formation, exact path taken) being influenced by minor perturbations such as the flapping of the wings of a distant butterfly several weeks earlier.

The idea, that small causes may have large effects in general and in weather specifically, was used from Henri Poincaré to Norbert Wiener.

In The Vocation of Man (1800), Fichte says that “you could not remove a single grain of sand from its place without thereby … changing something throughout all parts of the immeasurable whole”.

Yes, one small act you do today can change the world tomorrow. In the 2000 movie Pay It Forward A young boy attempts to make the world a better place after his teacher gives him that chance.  It makes me upset that because of Kevin Spacey being basically a terrible human being that this movie will not be shown again. Who knows, maybe the powers that be will reshoot it with a different cast. The assignment: think of something to change the world and put it into action. Trevor conjures the notion of paying a favor not back, but forward–repaying good deeds not with payback, but with new good deeds done to three new people.

The other day I was speaking to a UPS driver at a coffee shop. It was a VERY snowy/icy day in New Hampshire. I just asked how he was doing.  He said going was slow but not too bad. He then related a story of how at one of his stops he trudged upon the sidewalk to see a basket of snacks for him and other people making deliveries.  That small gesture changed his day.  

YOU CAN CHANGE SOMEONES DAY! Today, Tomorrow, whenever, Slow down! Hold a door open for someone. Buy someone a coffee. Heck, buy EVERYONE a coffee!F9389564-C2D2-4BB7-ABAA-6D6917305430

There are so many opportunities to make the world better. DO IT.

You just need to believe in people and be willing to make an effort to make the world a better place.

I believe in you.

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A Season of Hope. Music

On By TonyIn Hope, MusicLeave a comment

When we were young music would find us. It seemed like it was everywhere. You could hear it as cars drove by, you could hear it coming from house windows as you were outside playing. I remember sitting in my parents car waiting for them to come out of the grocery store. I was listening to the radio and James Taylor came on. It was the early 1970’s and I love listening to James Taylor ever since.

In middle school I saw a kid with a button on his jacket that said, The Ramones. I had no idea who they were. But that afternoon I walked down to Main Street Records and asked if I could listen to The Ramones. Still to this day, my favorite band. (Thanks Bob Cat!). I remember being at my friend Jeff’s house and his brother let us play a Rush Album. Just Amazing, everything from the lyrics and vocals to UNBELIEVABLE drumming. At Chris’ house he introduced me to BOTH AC/DC and Pink Floyd. Although I had heard some of each of those bands on the radio, it was the first time I think I may have listened to an entire album. I thank these friends for starting my lifelong love of music.

It seems now that the older you get you have to find the music. Maybe it is the speed of life. Maybe it is because of air-conditioning fewer windows are open! Sometimes music still surprises me. I was walking through town and a song was being played in a store. As the door opened, I was struck by 2 lines of lyrics:

In every movie I watch from the 50s,

There’s only one thought that swirls around my head now,

That’s that everyone there on screen they’re all dead now.

I recognized the voice of Ben Gabbard from Death Cab for Cutie. Couldn’t wait to get to my car to put that song on. I think I would discover more music if I just lived the the present a little more.

Sometimes It may be a song you’ve known for years, but actually listen to it with your ears for the first time. In High school I remember being completely exhausted physically and mentally. I cannot remember what was going on in my life at the time, but I do remember the feeling of hopelessness. I had gone into my room and closed the door. Put on the radio and laid down to take a nap.

At some point I slowly came back to consciousness to The Beatles song, “The Long and Winding Road”. I had heard the song countless times. It was already 15+ years old when I was in high school. But this was the first time that I really heard it with my ears and my heart. McCartney says “It’s a sad song because it’s all about the unattainable; the door you never quite reach,” he revealed. “This is the road that you never get to the end of.”

Hearing that song at that moment let me know that although this was a tough time, I was going to be OK. The road is long so concentrate in the journey, not just the destination.

To this day, when I hear this song I am transported back in time to my bedroom in 1983.

Is there a song that has changed your perspective? A song you recently heard that you can’t wait to share?